The Greens Win...

Housing Crisis

You Voted Green To Abolish The Home Office And Now Your Nan's Council Flat Is Shared With Forty-Seven People Who All Legally Deserve It More Than She Does

When you ticked that Green box dreaming of a kinder Britain, you probably didn't factor in the maths. Meet Zara, 24, who campaigned to scrap immigration controls and is now watching her grandmother get bumped down the housing queue by literally everyone.

Mar 18, 2026

Democratic Disaster

Congratulations, You Gave Everyone In The World A Vote In The General Election — Here's Who They Voted For (Spoiler: Not The Greens)

The Green Party promised to give all UK residents the vote, regardless of citizenship. Progressive millennials cheered. Then election day arrived, and it turned out millions of new voters had very different ideas about cycle lanes and gender pronouns.

Mar 18, 2026

Economic Meltdown

The Green Party Want To Accept Climate Refugees — Scientists Estimate That's Approximately Four Billion People And They've All Heard About The Free Benefits

Poppy graduated with a First in Geography and voted Green to save the planet. She's now watching Universal Credit applications pour in from half the world's population, all claiming climate displacement. The DWP website crashed on day one.

Mar 18, 2026

Healthcare Chaos

You Voted Green To Save The Planet And Now Literally Everyone On Earth Has The Right To Your NHS Dentist

Meet Tabs, the Brighton graphic designer who thought voting Green meant solar panels and recycling bins. Instead, she's discovering what 'treating all migrants as citizens' actually means when the entire planet fancies a free root canal.

Mar 18, 2026